Learn in this post about How To Make Your Child Feel Understood. Quite possibly, every single one of us human beings seeks validation and acceptance, especially from our parents. Perhaps when you were young, you had a healthy and open relationship with your parents.
On the other hand, maybe you always felt the need to keep things from them, thinking they would never understand or support you.
The Shades of Validation:
Validation is our way of showing someone that we care about them and understand them. It is vital for a person, especially a child, to be understood, to grow, feeling supported and connected. To kids, when their parents understand them, they feel a sense of belonging and acceptance. That very feeling boosts their intelligence, emotional stability, compassion, and the ability to empathize with others.
So, if you want to be your child’s go-to person no matter what is going on in their lives, you can start by following the steps below.
1. Allow expression
Sometimes, your child may find it difficult to distinguish between their ‘selves’ and their emotions. When that happens, rather than minimizing or denying their feelings, be accepting of them. Otherwise, they may feel that their feelings are unacceptable and shameful.
What you need to realize is that being disapproving of their anger, sadness, or fear will not make their feelings fade away. Instead, they will get into the habit of repressing them and develop unhealthy coping mechanisms. Eventually, they will begin to feel trapped within their emotions and lash out. In some cases, your child may even start having nightmares or cultivate a nervous tic if they feel like they have no way out.
Perhaps, you should teach them that their feelings matter and those are what make them human. You should give them your complete attention as they cry it out or confide in you.
2. Listen
Whether your child is six months old or 16, they need you to listen to them. Once they let their feelings out, they will feel unburdened. They will then be able to let their anger or sadness go and resolve their feelings. In addition, they will amaze you with their affection and cooperation towards you once they feel they have been heard. However, listening to them will only work when you give them your full attention.
You need to be fully present and patient when they start to confide in you. They need to have a safe place to let all their feelings out so that they may move on and heal. Your child needs to feel like their existence and presence matters.
3. Be flexible
Another important way to validate your
child is by being flexible and open-minded. To do that, you must be careful that you do not force your opinions and decisions on them. For example, if your child does not like to eat meat, do not yell or threaten to take away their privileges until they eat it. Instead, be accepting and perhaps reach a compromise.
In the case that you punish them for liking or disliking something, they will start to distance themselves from you. As a result, you will not be able to build a strong bond with them. However, if you decide to be flexible in such a situation, you will eliminate the chances of outbursts and misbehavior.
4. Give them their personal space
To feel safe and secure around you, your child needs to know that you trust them. Yes, we all feel overprotective towards them at times but, we cannot let that feeling overpower our sense of rationality. Implementing too many restrictions on your child might make them feel suffocated. If you invade their space, even if you mean well, they will learn to walk on eggshells around you.
As hard as it is to watch them walk away from you when they take their first steps or walk into school, you must learn to take a leap of faith. Give them the room they need to make their own mistakes and choices. Let them learn from their experiences without shaming or disapproving of their actions. Then, and only then will your child seek comfort in your arms during times of need and for understanding.
If you pay heed to the steps above, you can be sure to have a healthy and understanding bond with your child as will they. The key, however, is to validate their feelings and give them space to breathe.
xo, Zarine
